Welcome to Billy Mays Mayhem, a page inspired by Mays animated sales
tactics on his many daytime commercials and late night infomercials.
I'll add sound files and images of Mays in action as the opportunities arise,
so expect random updates. So alrighty then, go check out the sounds and images!
 Autographed picture courtesy of Tim Wagner. Yes, Tim actually requested an autographed Billy Mays photo and to my surprise...he actually GOT ONE! Woah! I'll be damned! So if any of you want an autographed picture, ask them Orange Glo folk and you just might get one! |
Note from the editor:
This is my next commentary installment and I'll try to have a new one each and every month, though I have to say my time is very very limited these days, so this page won't see the updates it deserves from all you awesome fans! I've temporarily stopped adding new commentary to this webpage, until I can establish a more time flexible schedule. Until then, keep the emails coming! I still enjoy all the comments very much. Okay, this commentary is starting to sound cheesy as hell, so I'll end this here. Go out and buy yourself a Billy Mays product!!!! |
**ARE YOU A LITTLE ON THE HEAVY SIDE?**
Billy Mays may have found your pot of gold!
See where Billy Mays may end up next! >>>
The faces of Billy Mays
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The sounds of Billy Mays
DO YOU WANNA KICK BILLY MAYS ASS?
OR
DO YOU WANNA HAVE BILLY MAYS BABY?
I'd love to hear what YOU have to say about Billy Mays!
Simply email what you have to say to dbz70echo@atmospheric-violence.com
and use "Billy Mays" as your subject line and I will
post what you have to say on this webpage for the world to see!
NEWS FLASH!!! BILLY MAYS ART GALLERY NOW OPEN FOR SUBMISSIONS!
ENTER THE ART GALLERY HERE
Check out this link from SNNYDISCO6@aol.com http://www.beezzzart.com/bee/ps/billy.html
An AWESOME Billy Mays MP3 (Courtesy of voelzjazz@new.rr.com)
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Top Billy Mays LOVE Post I have to admit, Billy Mays may have a very loud voice, but that smile, and that twinkle in his eyes? Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Daddy bear! I agree with all the other bears who've posted here, that that man is one hot woof! Have his baby? Sure, hell yeah. Since a guy can't get pregnant, we'd just have to try and try and try again...and I certainly wouldn't wanna kick his ass. What I would do, well...uhm..any bears here who wanna email me and talk about it, no problem! :-{)} Billy Mays would make an excellent houseboy, playmate, whatever. I'd do him in a new york minute, (and even THAT wouldn't be fast enough for me.) Everyone dissing him, just has nothing else better to do than to be pissy and annoying...let the real men drool over him...I know I'd just be in a very long line wanting to boff that bear! Billy, you would be welcome in the homes of bears everywhere...including mine! :-{)} baircub@austin.rr.com Top Billy Mays HATE Post I am so sick of Billy Mays (if that is is real name) and his monotone shouting that reverberates like a loud fart throughout the whole house. Man what gives with you Billy? Are you constipated? The products are generally pretty sucky and lame such as that orange cleaner or worst of all that pocket car dent puller. What do you care Billy if these products don't work, you're Billy Mays! On every Open Advertising slot on Dish TV. Most of the products are really just a big lie and a rippoff. The cleasner that is supposed to clear up the blue ink right away is an old Houdini trick which was debunked almost 100 years ago. Though he is hardly up to the task, Billy still allows himself to step into the seedy realm of the infamous snake oil salesman and crooked fast talkers of the oldtime medicine shows. Billy looks even more stiff behind the wheel of a vehicle propped-up and screaming scripted psuedo-praises of yet again another badly engineered, D list, bitch ass product. Get off my TV and get a real job Billy! -TW A very Annoyed Dish TV Customer. |
| Billy Mays is my idol. Nobody is able to sell more crap then he can. I went out and bought a Gopher at my local mall just so I can "pick up stuff without having to touch the mess". I wish I could be like Billy Mays. -Eric G (Billy Mays' #1 fan) |
| If this pork belly, asinine piece of shit can make a living at peddling this trash (and apparently he does) to little old ladies sitting around the house, bored to death, holding their credit card, then any con man should be allowed equal tv air time to cheat and confuse the public. Long live the con man, and the stupid assholes who support them. But wait, if you call him "now" he'll inlude a 50 gallon drum of cum, compliments of his gopher. -Ron |
| Did you ask, "Do you wanna LICK Billy Mays' Ass?" Well, in any case, the answer would be, "YES!" He is one of the hottest BEARS on the market. I love watching his informercials and every single short commercial that they put on during regular programming. Every time one of his commercials comes on, I make everyone shut up and focus on the Bear God that sits before us. Although I'm not physically able to have his baby, I wouldn't mind trying for an infinite amount of time. I don't care what he's selling as long as the commercials show a lot of him and that gorgeous body. I hope he never shaves that fine beard. I also hope that he'll start wearing less clothing...at least wear shorts to show off those legs. Maybe they should invent a product for your skin so he can take off his shirt to show us how it works. For anyone who disagrees, "Don't hate!" -kybearlover |
| I LOVE BILLY MAYS!!! HE HAS GOT TO BE THE HANDSOMEST MAN ON TELEVISION. HIS FACE, BODY...THAT VOICE...I DON'T GIVE A FLYING DAMN ABOUT THE PRODUCTS BUT HE MAKES ME WATCH THE INFOMERCIALS FROM BEGINNING TO END! WHOEVER DECIDED TO HIRE THIS GOD IS BRILLIANT. BILLY MAYS IS PERFECT!!! FORGET ALL THOSE NARCISSISTIC BEARS WHO DON'T DARE TO LOVE THOSE NOT LIKE THEMSELVES!!! CHOOSE ME BILLY!!! I'M A TRULY PRETTY BOY-QUEEN WHO WOULD DO ***ANYTHING*** TO PLEASE YOU!!! I LOVE YOU BILLY!!! -F. Phoenix |
| Question: Why do you scream your name BILLY MAYS!!! When you come on? Like I am supposed to drop my cock and look up and say "oooohh BILLYFUCKINGMAYS is on T.V. Who the fuck is Billy Mays? Dude, you must have grown up in dysfunction junction. I bet your dad used to play hide the sausage with you in your pre-teen years. Take a wrench and unscrew your attitude down about 50 cranks fuckface. Jeez, if I ever see you out in public, I will personaly shave you bald and ram each and every product you "sell" up your shit pipe. A true Fan -Dave R |
| Just wanted to drop a line and comment on your rightful site. You ask if I'd like to kick Billy Mays's Ass ? I believe each product he endorses should be wedged up his ass for each and every time an American views this chubby bastard promoting some poorly made gimmick that only trailer trash purchase because they feel "The Ding King" will actually repair every dent inflicted upon their house. -airbornebmckaig@hotmail.com |
| What's up with this whole "bear" thing? I assume these "bears" are seriously disturbed fat men who like to lick hairy ass crack and smoke sweaty fat-man skin cigars. Am I right? Is Billy Mays one of these "bear" people? Should I be expecting his next info-mercial to involve dildos that look and smell like hairy sweaty dicks dipped in real shit... or perhaps a super industrial back shaver? Inquiring Pirates want to know. - Cabbagebeard the Pirate, and his feathery friend, Peckers. -cabbagebeard@yahoo.com |
| "Da Ding King." I'd like to ding his king... what a freak. -Shaydie |
| Oxi Clean doesn’t really do anything helpful, but Billy Mays really brightens my day. He could sell dick to a dike. -cabbagebeard@yahoo.com |
| Billy Mays is hot! All of the people who don't like him are negative freaks who have major insecurity issues! Maybe he threatens their masculinity because he is such a man. What a bunch of pussies! Ha! Jealous much! -MrMikemart@aol.com |
| Billy Mays is the bizzomb fo shizzel. My friends love when I impersonate him, because it takes them into another realm, where his whopping words of wisdom unlock the hidden cleaning power of oranges. Where any man, woman, or child can remove any stain at will. Where phones are not held with hands, but with heavenly hopes from happy hearts. A world where dents in doors are mere drops in the ocean, thanks to the special bonding agent and the ding king. Billy shows all man that if they order now, they can take advantage of special offers, theirs for just $19.95. Billy will always be reacing out to man to provide convenient, reliable products at a price that any man could afford. He is a true King of Kings. But you gotta call now. -Bugkay007@aol.com |
| That face, that beard, that gut! Oooh, I'd like to clean HIS Oxi for sure. I bet he's hung like an elephant. Yummy! -Jimmy Jango |
| Just a quickie to let you know that the amazing man that is Mr Billy Mays has made it to England. And we love him! We are deciding right now whether to make him next in line to the throne. -Matt Foyster |
| The guy is fantastic. You nimrods dissing him need to get a life. With him on the bridge of the USS American Conspicuous Consumption there is nothing but smooth sailing ahead! God bless you, Billy. My Ding-King is at the ready---just say the word. -Harvey Weirman |
| No matter what anyone says about Billy - I think he's incredibly sexy. His hairy forearms and deep voice just send me out of this world. Is he gay? How can we find out the truth? -Steffan |
| Doesn't a name like "The Ding King" sound like the name of a snack food? -anonymous |
| I think Billy is a good advertiser. Although I heard his products suck, He is much better than the moron known as bob vila. I think billy should take some oxy clean and spray it in bob's eyes, and then rip his face off with the gopher. They should make that a wresiling match, and i can guarentee that bill will kick some serious @$$!!!!!!!!! But, you have to give him some respect, he probally makes good moola!!! -Kyle G |
| All stop signs should be reprinted to say "Stop Billy Mays!" He's a public nuisance. -John Ulrich |
| Billy Mays has cured my impotency. Thanks, Billy!!! -Ed Burdett |
| Nothing makes me reach for the remote (mute) like "Billy Mays here...". I wouldn't buy a product he advertises if my life depended on it. -Julian |
| The thing that gets me is when Billy says "but WAIT!" (like I was falling over myself to get to the damn phone)"call in the next 5 minutes and you get 397 ten gallon drums of Oxiclean absolutely free!" Then the commercial is back on in half an hour. So you mean to tell me if you call in that 25 minute window you strike out on the free crap?" I think this is blatantly designed to persecute the elderly and infirm as it's going to take them at least 15 minutes to get to the phone let alone dial the correct number....... oh the humanity! -Carl |
| I just saw the "Gopher" commercial. I can't believe that it had some old lady actually using it to play catch with a dog. I think B.M uses it to jack off. -B2K |
| the first time I saw the ad for the gopher I had to rewind it because my eyes were tearing up. Man, when he says, "Picks up what you don't wanna touch!!" and shows the gopher grubbing up banana peels off a back porch and then IN THE VERY NEXT SHOT it's gently placing the angel atop a Christmas tree. I just imagine the angel's all sticky and has coffee grounds smeared on her face.. Well I wouldn't buy one but it makes me laugh harder than Sealab 2021. -Mary |
| This guy is becoming an Icon. 2 favorites; If you call now you get a "reusable" cleaning bucket, I think that's a Kaboom offer. By the way, have you ever seen a faucet fixture with a full quarter inch of calcium buildup on the base! The other one is the Gopher; If you call now, we'll upgrade you to the collapsable Gopher. Well, I didn't want the collapsable version and guess what, they don't have one. I find the marketing tricks very amusing. -Val Parks |
| He is the hottest guy on TV!!!! And yes, he is a gay icon. We love that beefy, masculine, hairy bear. Woooof!!!!! -Max Rade |
| I just wont to know if Billy knows he is now a gay icon! He has "Bears" (muscular/sturdy hairy bearded gay men) drooling at their televisions everytime he comes on! If he personally sold oxyclean in leather bars he'd make a fortune on commissions!!!! -Scots Bear |
| Oh my, what can I say that hasn't already been stated? First off, this annoying cock socket named Billy Mays needs to shove an orange glow coated gopher grabber down his piehole. And why does this POS give us his name? Like we really care what this jerkoff's name is? Yes we do, that's how I found this website. I simply typed "Billy Mays is an asshole". Hopefully this Billy Mays character will do the same and see these fan messages we made for him. Maybe he'll down a 4lb tub of orange glow or oxy clean with his next meal. It's non-toxic right? -SD |
| who is he? where does he come from? and why do I have to hear this fuck, every time I’m trying to take a fucking afternoon nap in front the t.v. It makes me feel good to know there is a website devoted to the downfall of this loudmouth pitch person! -j.j. |
| The ding-king, the gopher, oxyclean, what’s next billy. I’ve got one hand on the phone and the other on my credit card. I am just not sure whether to call and order or shoot myself in the head from hearing “WOOOOOOOOOD DRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEES OOOOUUUUUT” a thousand fucking times a day. If you ask me billy should hook up with that juice machine guy with the fucked up eyebrows, move to boys town and make ass-children. Someone please stop this clown. -Mitus |
| BILLY YOU MAKE ME ALL WET AND MOIST!!! *cough* No seriously, Billy have you ever thought of making gay porno? I have a gay friend who might be interested in being your partner. I could video tape it and make a fortune!! Then I could be your female pimp and you'll make legit money instead of ripping off people with your lame OxiClean crap. Think about it Billy a gay film called "Billy Mays Take It Up The Rear"...you already have the facial expressions!! *cough* -Shaune from Germany |
| "People around the world are protesting a war with Iraq and the answer lies right here. Lets just put this guy on Iraqi TV and they'll beg us to take him back. Then again maybe the Iraqis will actually buy that Oxyclean shit" -Danny Dixon |
| Who the F are you Billy....should we be impressed by you and if so...how? I tried Oxi-Clean, and it SUCKS. You bastard! It's all your fault my underwear look as bad as they smell!! -AJ |
| I believe that Billie Mays is a great advertiser. I mean seriously the Starks lady is a joke, and the lady who informs us she is a mother of 2 in every commercial she says, is really sad. But Billie Mays should be grand champion of Commericials, his loud booming voice, and werid expressions are an amazing sight if you ask me. He's commercials are rather funny too, I think the guy should have more items to sell, other than a couple. Maybe someday he will advertise a good product, and go down in history as the guy who helped America win the battle with dirt and grime. Maybe even make a new cartoon, like Commercial League of America, with Mr.Clean, Billie Mays, the Starks lady, and of course the great Bob Vila himself, ahhhh what a show that would be, seeing them battle dirt,grime,dust, and the infamous STAINS! -Tim B |
| Billy Mays reminds me of a gay version of Al Borlan on crack. I think he got his oxi-clean mixed up with his coke agian. -Dumbass Busta |
| I am so sick of Billy Mays( if that is is real name) and his monotone shouting that reverberates like a loud fart throughout the whole house. Man what gives with you Billy? Are you constipated? The products are generally pretty sucky and lame such as that orange cleaner or worst of all that pocket car dent puller. What do you care Billy if these products don't work, you're Billy Mays! On every Open Advertising slot on Dish TV. Most of the products are really just a big lie and a rippoff. The cleasner that is supposed to clear up the blue ink right away is an old Houdini trick which was debunked almost 100 years ago. Though he is hardly up to the task, Billy still allows himself to step into the seedy realm of the infamous snake oil salesman and crooked fast talkers of the oldtime medicine shows. Billy looks even more stiff behind the wheel of a vehicle propped-up and screaming scripted psuedo-praises of yet again another badly engineered, D list, bitch ass product. Get off my TV and get a real job Billy! -TW A very Annoyed Dish TV Customer. |
| Just remember if you are tryin to have kids with Billy Mays clean up the sheets with Oxi Clean---the stain specialist. I think Billy Mays should team up with Mark Martin and the boys over there at Viagra. -John Hare |
| Mr. William (I can call him William coz I knew his mum.... see below) Mays is a wonderful example of a human being. The fact that he prostitutes himself by knowingly selling products that don't work whilst laughing all the way to the bank is a slight blemish on his otherwise spotless character. (Heck at least a hooker sells something that works!) The only other "problem" with this complete and upstanding gentleman is his preponderance to sit on large cucumbers (See pics above). All I can say is long live Willy (that was my pet name for him when he was growing up....... oh sh!t did I just say that in public). -Carl |
| billy mays dosn't know what he's talking about. His oxi-clean dosn't work and orangle glow is a joke. he and lee mandon have alot in common. -anonymous |
| Billy Mays is a good man! Whenever his ads come on i hit record on the VCR because I always have a blank tape in there just for his commercials. Billy is a good man. -Zack Silver |
| Billy is a dynamic personality. I first became aware of this when I saw an OxiClean commercial. Seven thousand times. I don't even know what it is. It doesn't matter. In response to some of the other "responses": Billy Mays is obnoxious. So obnoxious that he's COOL! Billy is a no-talent *ss clown. So no-talent that he's COOL! If you don't understand, I can't explain it. Long live your laundry! OxiClean -- the stain specialist! -anonymous |
| billy mays rocks my socks off!! -Nicole |
| I have only seen ONE Billy Mays commercial The guy is so extremely obnoxious, loud and irritating I keep my TV remote unit at the ready. Usually, he is able to say only "HI! BILLY MAYS HERE FOR..." before I ***BLAM!!*** change the channel. I don't just mute the audio because just watching the creep in silence is more than I can tolerate. If I have the remote in my hand, I can sometimes bail before he completes his name! Any station putting this guy on the air is dropping a cluster bomb into their ratings! -anonymous |
| Tell Billy Mays to go fuck himself -this piece of shit -Jack Irwin |
| Once upon a time, I ordered Oxi-Clean off of the television set. The shit can't even remove a water stain off of the carpet. Billy mays blows shit and doesn't know dick about getting stains out of fabrics. He is a loud, obnoxious cock master, and if I see him on my T.V. ONE MORE TIME, I'm going to bad mouth him to all my friends and tell them to never buy any of his lame products. "WOOOOOOOOOOOODDDD DRIIIIIIIESSSS OUT!" -Joe Shiznit |
| Dude, I think Billy Mays is the mufuckin man!!! I'm gonna buy all his products just to support him. -Serial M |
| Billy Mays annoys the heck out of me. He is so LOUD, he is always in my face! Ya can't get away from this guy! I tried his Oxy-Clean a couple years back - what a crock! It couldn't lift a stain with both hands and a flash light! Plus my laundry came out so stiff and scratchy it was ridiculous. I will never try any of his products -'cuz frankly, I don't believe a word he says! (And hey, the "I've fallen and I can't get up!" commercial is still the best, most classic and hilarious sales bomb ever aired!) -Angie from CA |
| Billy,
What can I say about Billy Mays... other than he's
always here. The other day I was sitting in a
resturaunt... one of those that has TVs all over the
place. Each TV had a different channel on (or so I
thought) and they were all loud enough to hear from
anywhere in the main dining room. So I'm sitting there
peacefully eating my ham and cheese pita (always
melted with honey mustard) and all the sudden I can
hear Billy as if he was shouting from every corner of
the room at me. I look up and THERE HE IS ON EVERY TV,
ADVERTISING THE GATOR GRIP!!! HE WAS ON EVERY
TELEVISION! Now, don't get me wrong, I think that
Billy is the best thing to happen to television
advertising since the "I've fallen and I can't get up"
woman and the "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful"
walking-card-board-cutout... but the fact that every
tv in the resturaunt had Billy on it all at once shows
that the man has ties to the government at the highest
level, maybe even as high as the guy that cleans up
the spittle off of George W's 'screamin window.'
Richard Nixon. Jimmy Hoffa. Billy Mays. That Washington DC Sniper Dude. Wolfe Blitzer. All people we look to and fear (for some reason). When will the insanity stop? Horace MacGregar |
| Billy Mays is a no-talent ass clown who couldn't sell himself out of a paper bag. The mute button on my remote is getting worn out from all the times I have to deal with him invading my television and trying to sell me various useless products. Perhaps he should sell his mouth some duct tape and shut the hell up. -Mike Ashmore |
| Billy Mays is the queen of all cock. That guy loves sex with animals. -Anonymous |
| Billy, No, I don't want to kick your ass. No, I don't want to have your baby. What I will do, is report you and Ding King to Discover Card Services for misleading the public on a piece of crap that does NOT give professional results. Billy, you should have researched the business better, before putting your reputation on the line and/or listening to Todd Sudeck, who wouldn't know PDR if it bit him in the butt. KDP Florida |
| I LOVE Billy Mays. Every time I see a product he endorses I buy it right away, even if I already have three because I feel it brings Billy and I that much closer together. If I could touch him just once my life would be complete and I'd kill myself right then because I know life would just be downhil from there on out. I want to make love to Billy Mays and at the point of orgasm I want him to yell, at the top of his lungs "Billy Mays CUMING!!!!" If Billy Mays was an ice cream flavor he'd be rum raisin 'cause I'd love to ram his raisin. One of these days Billy and I will livew happily ever after in a house cleaned by Oxy-Clean. Love, Billy Mays' future hubby |
| He is the grand champion of on the fly capitalism. Dent remover 3000 is the lamest effort so far, but I think he'll come on strong in the 4th quarter. Thanks for the website. -Anonymous |
| Where did this guy come from? What a "Whopping" pole smoker. -Tony Clams |
| Billy Mays has such a trademark voice. It makes me laugh all the time. He's such an assbolt sometimes. -Seph7 **CONGRATS ON BEING THE FIRST!!!** |